So Far So Good

I've been doing pretty well on the "don't eat out" rule.  I've had some cravings but I've been able to handle them.  That's new!  Yesterday I went overboard in a different way by simply eating a freaking truckload of fairly healthy homemade stuff.  That wasn't so productive but today, I've had, like, defineable meals, as opposed to the all-day grazing fiasco that was yesterday. 

Last night I had a dream about gyms and working out.  It even had Bob and Jillian.  But it also had ghosts, tops of heads lying on the floor, and walls that closed in on me.  It was literally a nightmare.  Methinks I am afraid of losing weight.  I'll have to ponder WTFwhy.

To My Future Self

Remember how awful it is to be this overweight:

• You feel lethargic all the time. 
• You can never seem to get enough sleep.
• All your clothes look bad because nothing can hide those belly rolls.
• You are usually the fattest person in the room.
• You are intimidated by pretty much everyone.
• You do not like yourself.
• You do not respect yourself.
• You hate how you look.
• Makeup makes no difference either - it's just fat with more colors.
• You feel out of control.
• You feel useless and worthless.
• You assume nobody does - or should - like you.
• You feel hopeless.
• You do not believe in yourself.
• You feel like you were destined to be this way, that you can't change it.
• You feel like everyone's always laughing at you.
• You want to apologize for making people look at you.
• You feel unhealthy.
• Stuff hurts all the time.
• You get winded walking up a flight of stairs - or even accross the parking lot.
• You would be the first to die in any kind of emergency situation.
• You would be unable to protect anyone if the need arose.
• You can't do any of the things you want to do, like bungee jumping or rock climbing.
• You feel like all you do is waste your time and wait for that heart attack.
• You feel like you'll never accomplish anything, ever.

This is not a fun way to be.  Future Self, please read this carefully and remember why you did all that you've done.  This is not how anyone was meant to live - and yes, that applies to you too!