Back On The Horse

Been awhile...if you assumed that's because I fell off the wagon and then wallowed in self-pity, you'd be pretty much spot on.

But I got things back on track over the weekend and in fact just now I fought off a major Taco Bell craving, so, yay me!  And I'm 6 miles down and 94 to go on my 100 Mile Challenge!  Which means I have a heck of a lot of catching up to do, but I can do it!

I really don't have anything to say.  I just wanted to come here and do something to help me keep myself going.  And be accountable.  On that note: I had chineese buffet twice.  And I am sorry.

100 Mile Challenge

I know now that I want to start doing for-realz menu planning starting in August (because that's the first month after my college graduation on July 30).  I will track calories and plan ahead and it will be amazing, but in the meantime (as far as food goes) I'm just going to continue making reasonable decisions and never ever eating out.  Which I've been doing well so far, yay!  But I need something else to help me get my ass off the couch.  It's SO FREAKING HOT down here, I just never want to leave the apartment.  But I have to.  Because as of today, I hereby challenge myself to walk/jog 100 miles before August 1st! 

Wouldn't it be fantastic to be able to say, "Yeah, I did 100 miles in a month and a half.  I pretty much kick any ass that's in front of me."  Becuse to me, a woman who two years ago could not jog for more than ten seconds and then had to rest for two days, that would be amazing.  Not that I'm exactly a marathon runner now - I can usually not die after jogging about a third of a mile, but then I only need to walk for about that far again before I can resume jogging, and I can just keep doing that for like three miles.  I'm doing MUCH better, so I am VERY excited about this challenge! 

I'm gonna go find a tracker to put on my sidebar!  YAY!

So Far So Good

I've been doing pretty well on the "don't eat out" rule.  I've had some cravings but I've been able to handle them.  That's new!  Yesterday I went overboard in a different way by simply eating a freaking truckload of fairly healthy homemade stuff.  That wasn't so productive but today, I've had, like, defineable meals, as opposed to the all-day grazing fiasco that was yesterday. 

Last night I had a dream about gyms and working out.  It even had Bob and Jillian.  But it also had ghosts, tops of heads lying on the floor, and walls that closed in on me.  It was literally a nightmare.  Methinks I am afraid of losing weight.  I'll have to ponder WTFwhy.

To My Future Self

Remember how awful it is to be this overweight:

• You feel lethargic all the time. 
• You can never seem to get enough sleep.
• All your clothes look bad because nothing can hide those belly rolls.
• You are usually the fattest person in the room.
• You are intimidated by pretty much everyone.
• You do not like yourself.
• You do not respect yourself.
• You hate how you look.
• Makeup makes no difference either - it's just fat with more colors.
• You feel out of control.
• You feel useless and worthless.
• You assume nobody does - or should - like you.
• You feel hopeless.
• You do not believe in yourself.
• You feel like you were destined to be this way, that you can't change it.
• You feel like everyone's always laughing at you.
• You want to apologize for making people look at you.
• You feel unhealthy.
• Stuff hurts all the time.
• You get winded walking up a flight of stairs - or even accross the parking lot.
• You would be the first to die in any kind of emergency situation.
• You would be unable to protect anyone if the need arose.
• You can't do any of the things you want to do, like bungee jumping or rock climbing.
• You feel like all you do is waste your time and wait for that heart attack.
• You feel like you'll never accomplish anything, ever.

This is not a fun way to be.  Future Self, please read this carefully and remember why you did all that you've done.  This is not how anyone was meant to live - and yes, that applies to you too!

Doors and Windows

I know I said that I was going to weigh myself once a month, but I got curious.  In eight days I have gained two pounds.

I started with the GYST Challenge because I am the type of person who likes to set up for something before getting started.  I'm all about doing the research first and things like that.  So I figured that getting into a regular sleep schedule and cleaning the pigsty and having school stuff out of the way would make a great start.  It turns out I don't have the luxury of doing weight loss the way I do other things.  For this, I have to just dive in.  Apparently I can't be trusted to just "wing it" on diet and exercise while I set everything up.  That is why I am replacing the GYST Challenge with a new one today. 

The new challenge has to do with food.  I'm calling it the Home-Cooked Challenge, and it is a long one.  I'm going to stay on it until I am in ONEderland.  That could take months, but I was thinking back on all the things I've eaten for the first eight days of June and I realized that I needed something strong and serious to get my eating habits in order.  The challenge is to never eat anything that I did not cook myself.  I eat out a lot, and I almost never make good choices when I do.  I will seriously go out at get half a dozen Krispy Kremes and eat them on the drive home and then hide the box.  It's a serious problem.  So from now until I'm under 200 lbs, I will only eat what I myself have cooked. 

Since the HCChallenge has an indefinite length, I figure I can have two challenges at the same time if I really want to.  I don't currently want to, but once I get used to all the cooking I probably will.  The only rule is, the secondary challenge has to have a time limit.  Only one massive indefinite challenge at a time. 

GYST Challenge Day 3

Yay, more X's in my chart!  It's pretty absurd how happy a chart can make me. 

Day	Wake	Clean	Work
1	X	X	X
2	X	X	X
3	X	X	X
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21

What I'm Doing Here

I should probably explain my presence.

I am attempting to lose weight.  That is the subject matter of this blog, and the purpose is to have some way of being accountable without having to look anyone in the face and imagine that there's disappointment in it (that's a thing I do). 

I plan on weighing myself and taking measurements on the first of every month.  On June 1st I weighed 250.0 pounds.  Here are my measurements, in semi-nifty Paint style:

And they are sad.

But they'll get better!